from kahel with love.

So this is goodbye.

2011-06-06T20:59:00.002+08:00

I guess so. But it doesn't feel anything like it. I have to grow. Do remember that I will always look back to see how far I've gone. Thank you. :)

Three Cheers to Three years. :)

2011-04-28T22:03:00.003+08:00

Okay. Let's be cheesy here --- because I can't be cheesy anywhere else. Walang basagan ng trip.

***

I've always been a huge fan of great couples who are also bestfriends. It adds to that kilig factor and to that awe you feel for them knowing that their love would stand the test of anything because true friends would never leave each other.

I've always wanted to end up that way too --- happy together with my bestfriend in a more than platonic way. I guess God is so good to me for giving me exactly what I wanted.

Three years have passed. I'm so thankful for him --- my ex-classmate, my eating buddy, my baby sitting partner, my movie date, my dinner/lunch/whatever meal date, my personal clown, my (rather thin) punching bag, my giraffe, my crying shoulder, my confidante, my kabarkada, my (gay) bestfriend and many other things --- my boyfriend all rolled into one.

I guess I'm one lucky girl (Of course, he's a luckier boy) for having him in my life.

To the years we'll spend together, KEEP THEM COMING. Thank you for everything.

We sure are cute for two ugly people. HAHA.

Time flew.

2011-04-12T21:06:00.000+08:00

Would you look at that.

I'm a graduate now.
And this last year of being a nursing student, it just blew me away.
I've drifted far from this blog.
I know. I'm sorry.

But then, as we part ways, I promise to do it properly.
When I get home.
For now, stay with me a little longer. :)

Old habits.

2011-02-05T20:08:00.002+08:00

I missed you. However, my zest for writing and typing has suddenly died on me. I've grown up. And it scares me. Suddenly, I don't have time to make believe and hope and dream and WRITE and tell stories.

It's disgusting how I've slipped from being my old child-like self. Perhaps it is the downpour of change during the past months, the threat of the real world haunting me and telling me to gear up and prepare myself for a rough landing into the world of adults.

GAH.

Let's take it slow people. A few weeks nalang. HMMM.

2010.

2010-12-31T23:12:00.001+08:00

I loved you. Thank you!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2010-12-25T14:54:00.003+08:00

I think I've abandoned this blog far too much. It's almost the end of the year and I've been REAL REAL BUSY. I guess, when I promised to make this year worth remembering, I never realized how much that really entails.

But then, no regrets! Thank you 2010! You've been a real help! :)

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-31T12:58:00.001+08:00

Off to visit my Lolo's tomb.

Hope to end this vacation with a bang. :)

BOO!

2010-10-27T21:08:00.002+08:00

I promised God to enjoy this vacation.

Next time, I want my dad to come with me. So that I REALLY do get to enjoy. (Daddy's girl much?)

LIfe's such a bitch when your relatives don't share the same interest as you do. Or they're all in a completely different stage of development than yours.

Tama nga sila. Papunta ka palang, pabalik na sila. At ayaw ka na nila samahan papunta. :P

BEGIN AGAIN.

2010-10-18T04:17:00.002+08:00

Betty Merritt advised us to begin again.

Perhaps I shall. But then, where do I begin? Must I start from scratch or pick up where I lost track?

How I'd like to bring back that giddy feeling. How I'd wish for those moments to come back. Why is it slipping away? Or perhaps it just isn't meant to be.

For now, I shall take a long shower, get some sleep and eat good food. Then I shall BEGIN AGAIN. :)

Oh hello.

2010-10-08T18:00:00.003+08:00

We all have our stories to tell. And mine has become so hard to tell you for the past few months. I don't know what happened. My life seemed to be at my grasp and now I just don't know where to start or what to do first or who to talk to.

However, looking past the melancholic parts, I think I've grown for the past few months. (How I wish it was physical growth though. HAHA). I've learned a lot of things and discovered new things about old friends.

Senior year is happening so fast and I seem to get too excited that when I do decide to slow down and breathe, I get scared of making time move fast.

I'm nervous of what the future holds for me but at the same time, I can't seem to wait.

Now what of me? I dream of a time to just be able to sit down with my laptop and be able to just type in the plethora of emotions and stories I've missed out to tell you. Take it easy Jog. Endure til the end. :)

DIYES.

2010-09-17T21:56:00.002+08:00

TEN RANDOM THOUGHTS.

1. I'm not tired. But I just want to sleep. This pressure, although I try to ignore it, IS PRESSING ME TOO HARD. Must I care?

2. I'm excited to finally graduate but anxious of whatever the future holds. Although I've got it all laid out for me, I'm still crossing my fingers until they get fractured that I GET TO WHERE I WANT TO BE.

3. I secretly wish to do everything all over again. Just for the heck of knowing how it feels and trying to make it the best.

4. I've got to stop binge eating when I get the chance.

5. We've got some bonding to do. A lot of expectations are brought down upon us and it's killing me to see that they may not be met.

6. I love him. He loves me. Would that be enough?

7. Can forever start already?

8. Surprise me. PLEASE.

9. Money, why are you so hard to get? Can't I just wish you were all those airplanes in the night sky? XD

10. Let's change for the better. :)

September ends.

2010-09-01T22:21:00.002+08:00

It just turned September 1 and I'm already wishing that it has already ended. I'm hormonal, I'm stressed and I'm everything that could go wrong.

Pressure. Can't live without it. Can't really get it.
Grades. Frustrating. Anxiety triggering.
Home. Stressful. Stressful. Stressful.
Some people. Disappointing. Frustrating. Unhelpful.
Other people. Inspiring.
Me. BORING.

Community Health Nursing na. Jog, whatever happened to you, keep moving. Stop wallowing in negativity.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

CHALLENGING.

2010-08-28T10:18:00.002+08:00

When people expect from you, it's like an autonomic response for you to try to meet their expectations. And then I come to remember MY OWN EXPECTATIONS for myself.

Which is why, I'd like to conclude, If they believe THAT much in you, why won't you believe in yourself too? It may be frustrating in the end if worst comes to worst, but there really is no harm in trying.

Besides, remember what I said before entering college?

You make the name of you school. Your school doesn't make your name.

I'm tired.

2010-07-28T15:25:00.003+08:00

This growing up crap is too complicated. I'd rather be my old child-like self than try to fit in with all those old people crap. Yes, I may be biologically 19 but it doesn't mean I'd have to start conforming to what society thinks 19 year olds do. I'm still young. I'd like to have some fun please. Besides, I'm not a reckless person.

Less than 10 months before I get a degree. Less than 10 months to be CAREFREE.

Dear Lord, all is in you hands now. Let it be. :)

In the old days.

2010-07-14T09:28:00.002+08:00

Blogging doesn't feel the same. It's like I'm always on the rush to finish things that I can't even take the time off to type something decent. I feel older. I usually rant about things and suddenly... I don't.

My college life is about to end. Will it be the same for this blog when March or April strikes? Will I be taking the board by June or July? or will I be busy with med school preparations? In the old days, I used to rant about my teachers, grades, school activities, etc. What will be left when I get that Nursing Diploma?

And let's not talk about tomorrow. Suddenly birthdays don't seem appealing. I think I would like to stop counting years. XD

A Man's word.

2010-07-09T11:02:00.003+08:00

For the first time, I genuinely believe somebody when he tells me "pumayat ka.". Maybe because it's rare that it comes out from his mouth. And hearing him say it out loud makes it believable and FACTUAL. XD

At dahil dun, I love you more PAPA!

Haha. Anyway, some date is waiting around the corner. I don't think I'm that courageous enough to type it. Where is neverland when you need it? I actually don't have plans yet. But I do have my fantasies in mind. *insert surprises here*

But I know me. I think of too many things and just get frustrated in the end.

BAHALA NA SI LORD. I know He wants me to be happy. :)

JULY AGAIN.

2010-07-04T12:21:00.002+08:00

Wow. I think I've been too busy. It's July again.

My writing skills are dead. Help me revive them. T.T
Will do drug studies NOWWWWW. :)

I rest my case.

2010-06-05T12:45:00.003+08:00

Really. I'm tired trying to fight for a lost cause.

BAHALA NA NGA LANG. Hit me with your best shot. I'm like this anyway. Someday, when my turn comes, I'll make sure I savor it until its last moment. I deserve it.

Pero for now, BAHALA KAYO! :|

I rest my case.

2010-06-05T12:45:00.002+08:00

So long "sweet" summer.

2010-05-31T21:27:00.002+08:00

JUNE NA BUKAAAAAAAS!

And I still haven't updated. Since I am not in the mood to go all out in narrating to you what has transpired, I'll just type in short phrases and sentences which (I hope) will aptly describe to you how the past 2 months have been for me.

So let me start:

Post psychia requirements
Completion duty
BROWN OUTS
Yaya-slash-ninang duties
Lazy afternoons
Random trips to the mall
Ukay-ukay in my mom's junk
Online stalking at tumblr
Broken laptop
Local election fever
G1BO!
Crying self to sleep
Laughing until I cry
An Anniversary
Phone calls
Stories
Drinking sessions
Overnight at the beach with friends
Turning into a lobster
BROWN OUTS AGAIN
Eating
Dieting
Trying to diet
Laughing
Photoshoots with myself
Planning
Remeniscing
Experimenting with Skittles and Vodka
Baskteball
Having fun
Being depressed
COMPLETION DUTIES
Losing a yaya
Fighting
Lock-picking
Medical exams
Maintaining grades
NRES

and the list can go on

WOW. That's about it. Our wifi is effed up so I really can't update so well. Plus I don't have photoshop since this laptop can't keep up with the system requirements for installing Adobe (I'm using an hp mini). So, if my dad gets to read this, I WANT A MACBOOK! HAHAHAHA. :)

UH.

2010-05-07T16:52:00.002+08:00

It really took me more than a month to "fix" things in my life. And guess what, I'm still on the process.

I'd like to fill you in on all that's happened. I'm so sorry for being such a sloth these past weekS. But then, my laptop got broken and I only steal computer time when my kuya isn't around. And if there's electricity! (FU brownouts.)

So far, I've been very happy. Then very bored. I (as usual) have a lot of plans for the summer but all my planning is taking too long that there's just barely a month left for summer vacation. And elections are already coming up.

I've actually missed out on blogging about a lot of things that has happened that I (again) don't know where to start. Therefore, I promise (or maybe not) to make a decent entry once I've gathered the energy and will power to UPDATE. and revamp my blog.

Oh shoot. I don't have photoshop anymore. I feel so OLD. XD

21.

2010-03-31T22:57:00.001+08:00

So I'm back.

Been busy catching up with people.

I loved the past month. Rain or shine.

Will fix my life first before I blog about it. :)

THIS IS IT!

2010-02-25T05:54:00.002+08:00

I told you I'd be busy. And Busy I AM.

I've neglected to update. And I doubt I'll be able to do it some time soon. Perhaps after Psychia then?

For now, FOCUS JOG! FOCUUUUUSSS!!

the past few days.

2010-02-01T21:33:00.003+08:00

from being broke but happy to being masculine and gay. XD

I LOVE DAYS LIKE THESE. :)

CARDIO.

2010-01-26T01:29:00.003+08:00

I will actually be talking about love.

Or my lack of definition for it.

How do you define it? Is it define-able? Or does the little experiences you can relate to that word define it?

When one thought clashes with another, which will you believe?

If only that petal game was true then I'd pick the flower with the most petals and start reciting "I love him. I love him not." and keep wishing hard that the last petal ends up with "I love him" and we can all live happily ever after.

But why does everything have to go on a roller coaster ride? Why'd you have to dream, wake up, get hurt and dream again for you to learn the real meaning of love? EFYU all hopeless romantics who poisoned my mind with these bittersweet thoughts. It's all one hell of a mind and body hurt that eats you up inside and suddenly the world isn't just for you to frolic in. You'd have to share every single moment thinking how wonderful it would be if you could've spent it with him instead. And suddenly one moment, you fight and you think of all the bad things that can happen and when all the horrors goes loose inside your own make-believe world, you snap out of the anger and wish it all back so that it won't have to happen.

I don't think I'm making sense. But if there's one concrete definition of love that I've learned, it's that IT DOESN'T REALLY MAKE MUCH SENSE. YOU JUST FEEL AND HAVE FUN AND BE HAPPY WITH IT.

WHY THEN AM I MAKING SUCH A MESS OF THINGS IF IT'S THAT FUCKING SIMPLE?

Baby keep my heartbeat b-beat beat beating. :)

LOST.

2010-01-25T04:40:00.002+08:00

Honestly, what is wrong with me?

Is it me? Or this world around me? I've been dealing with this for years now and I am still now cured. How do you cure something you don't even know what it's called except the fact that IT'S RIGHT THERE?

Last Saturday, I went to school. Did my requirements. Had lunch with friends. All the while trying to keep up with my goddamned nose which kept on sneezing and sniffing the whole time. Took 3 tabs of decongestant. When that wasn't enough, stormed off home and drank iterax. Fell asleep for 16 hours straight.

And the whole night, my dad was looking for me. Both my phones where turned off. Locked myself inside my room and slept. I had a feeling they'd be looking for me since I didn't let anyone know I was home. Apparently, they looked for me everywhere.

And I still feel unloved with their gestures. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

WTH DUDE.

reflections of my bipolar mind.

2010-01-20T23:05:00.002+08:00

I'm eighteen years old. I'm through with childhood. In a few years, I'll have to earn for my living and fend for myself and for my family(?). I AM GETTING OLD.

I wish I took papa's words of advice when I was 7. He said, "Don't be in such a hurry to grow up." But come to think of it, did I speed things up? Did I rush growing up because I wanted to see the world as a grown-up thinking that grown-ups were free to do whatever they want?

I guess it's a common misconception that adults were FREE.

Being a kid, I had a lot of restraints. I don't really know where those restraints came from. Either from my parents or they were self-inflicted --- I say BOTH. I grew up too afraid to see the world. I let go of opportunities thinking that I'd have to go into them alone. I was too afraid to step out from my parent's fences thinking that I may never come back. Well, I was too obedient and too afraid.

But then the lost years of highschool and elementary can never come back. Maybe that's why I've tried to compensate with lost time during these past years of college. I am such a late bloomer. These are somethings I wish I'd done:

I should've known that elementary and highschool was for finding your life long girl friends. Sadly, I don't think I've found my permanent circle. It's either they move far away or I changed schools. The others, simply slip away and find more interesting people to be with. I used to not mind that I didn't have my own permanent barkada because that meant having to meet other people. But the thing is, when those other people want to meet with other people, I get left alone. Now, all I have are the boys I call friends. And they usually have to play computer games or the like when they want too.

I should've listened better in class. Because it pays to know things. I don't even remember what I was doing when I wasn't listening in class.

I should've learned art before I even stepped into college because I just wish I started earlier.

There's a long list actually. But then, I am too distracted with the flow of ideas in my head. So this is me cutting this entry short.

EXAM WEEK.

2010-01-19T21:00:00.002+08:00

Surprisingly, I don't term this week as hell week. :|

Midterms mean that the next weeks will be hell. I need to juggle majors, hospital duty, nres and requirements for the next month or so.

I am sorry for not talking more often. I recently found reasons not to talk that much anymore. Although buying a Paulo Coelho book inspires me to write again. (WTH?)

I am looking forward to the next few months. Nursing life will be ending soon. I need to make the most out of it.

But for now, I have to make my Jayag requirements. (Will not talk about my exposure under her though).

Good luck examinees!

Make-up and High heels.

2010-01-13T00:59:00.002+08:00

Why would I dare join a pageant? Do I have the right?

I've joined 2 pageants. I lost both times. Why then, should I join another one? I am no beauty. I have flaws the height of Mt. Everest. I have too much and too little. I am wrong in all the wrong places.

I degrade myself. More often than I should. I make myself believe that I'm not like the other girls.

EXACTLY. I AM NOT LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS.

I don't have legs that go on to forever. I don't have a face that can make you stare. I don't have talents that can make your jaw drop.

I can talk. I can write. About anything and everything. But a pageant will require you to walk, talk and smile even if you don't mean it.

I AM NOT A DOLL to be displayed.

I am myself. without the make-up and the high heels.

This is me without enhancements and He still thinks I am beautiful. That's enough for me. :)

NEW YEAR.

2010-01-05T16:37:00.003+08:00

Seriously, this is more like it.

Parentless for 2 days and a night. HAHAHA! And I got to play the new Wii game I found lying around the house. SWORD FIIIIIIIGHTTTT!!!

But then, later will be serious ass kicking for school.

KAILANGAN BUMAWI SA GRADES! ENOUGH FOOLING AROUND FOR HALF THE TERM!

(OF course, this doesn't really apply 100% of the time)

I love independence. Or atleast some of it. :)

This is so last year.

2010-01-01T10:32:00.003+08:00

NEW YEAR = ?

We don't know what the year holds. A new life. A love life. A first. A last. A wake-up call. A death. ANOTHER YEAR.

Eventhough 2009 is through, however beautiful it was or how crappy the year turned out. Whatever 2009 was, it deserves to be remembered. So, this is me trying to remember it.

January

This is what I said a year ago. Let us evaluate. :)

February

I became an official SN. Na-adik sa rockband. Had my first ice cream buffet on a Valentine's day. Cried hard and laughed harder with friends. Denise was born.

March

First Hospital duty. Secret's out. Payat's legality. Speaking up. Kicking ass in school.

April

Elle's 2nd birthday. Mcdo. Holy Week sacrifice. the Anniversary. Death by Pharma.

May

First OR experience as SN. Lost a bag. Got a car window broken. Forced to say goodbye to 2 cellphones, a camera and my beloved iPod. Anxiety Attack. Manila Homecoming. LRT. Partial Independence for 2 weeks. SHOPPING! First extension duty.

June

Got drunk on cocktails. Night shift. "Michael Jackson, he died."

July

LEGALITY. Notebook doodling. First photoshoot. Spaghetti is delicious with rice. Board Exams. First OR via CS.

August

Plants vs. Zombies. Dr. Chu. Facebook. Texas Hold 'em Poker. First CP. EXTRA HOT PANCIT CANTON.

September

999. Intrams. Happiness. Top 1

October

Papa's hemorrhoid. Completion at Diagan. First live birth. Dr. Diagan. Missed periods. Manila Sembreak. Zoo York!

November

Vanilla Twilight. Glee. First Scrub with Papa. Robinsons. Exorcism. Sir Aaron Requirements. Rai Rai Ken.

December

December depressions. Dress up. Ate Karen. Nadie's. St. John Reunion. Family Pictorial. New year.

***

So, what do you all think? I am so forgetful nowadays. :)

twentieth.

2009-12-28T21:32:00.002+08:00

Dear Friend,

Yes, I admit I have been ignoring you for the past few months. I make no excuse because no excuse will be good enough. I know I've been busy but then no amount of busy can take away the fact that the laptop has always been in my room and wifi and dsl is always present.

I'm sorry for not filling you up with what has happened to me in the last few months of 2009. Someday, I'll truly regret not adequately and vividly describing my days during the semester. But then people like me go through a phase wherein depression happens. I've always thought I was bipolar although not clinically diagnosed. But then, I should stop trying to divert your attention and just say SORRY.

***

Today was like any other day although I'd rather hug someone all day and imagine all the pain to go away. But reality is always a fucked up bitch who has to fuck you up too. YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT.

Which is why I promise to try and cheer up before the year ends. 3 days to go before we bid goodbye to the year I turned 18.

Not much has changed has it? I always end the year depressed. WTH.

blog leave.

2009-12-25T23:35:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

OH HELLO CHRISTMAS!

2009-12-18T21:43:00.001+08:00

BAKASYOOOOON!

It's been long. And I survived. I don't want to talk about school or my heart. I'm just happy it a vacation for now. 2010 will be hell. I KNOW!

Merry christmas everyone!!

I do hope that RB set ends up under the tree this year. :)

NOCTURNAL.

2009-12-02T04:14:00.003+08:00

Oh good morning December!

I'm officially on zombie mode.

Cramming requirements.

WOW. XD

BENTE OTSO.

2009-11-28T20:43:00.003+08:00

I'd like to grin at myself all day.

Really.

Today is one of those normal but special days.

Wouldn't have had it any other way.

Although I'd take the PMS away.

That hiatus my estrogen took for the past 2 months, well, the wrath is being unleashed now. Cramping isn't something I live well with.

Oh well. Maki ta diha. :)

Sana magka-tokyo tokyo na dito. I'd rather spend moolah there.

***

How random can I get? really. :P

Ang nagsindi nitong ilaw.

2009-11-25T00:45:00.002+08:00

walang iba kundi ikaw!

My nursing life is starting to catch fire. Yes, first duty of the semester was very educational. Luckily, no incidental reports. And I plan of having it that way. Sir Aaron wasn't that sadistic at all. Although I regret taking for granted his requirements. I almost. ALMOST. failed to pass it on time and in pristine condition.

This week was fun. Watched two movies and had 2 hospital duties. Well people, who said I can only work with no play? :)

I'm trying to do the balancing act. It's fun having to be problematic about school again. (Seriously.) I used to complain about a lack of excitement in my life. Now isn't this exciting?! I'm being ping-ponged from one place to another.

I was so tired last night that I slept BEFORE 8:30. Think of how much stored fats I'll be able to lose!

Well, I'm only trying to be optimistic about all these stress. It's not as if I didn't know this was what was in store for me.

I love my life. XD

defy gravity.

2009-11-19T13:39:00.003+08:00

This semester is beginning to be exciting and tiring. I know I can survive. I do. I just find it ABNORMAL not to complain about being stressed. Even if I'm totally fine with stress. Stress is good. Seriously.

I'd rather be stressed than depressingly bored.

Yes. I'm weird like that.

This week is also fun. Had community extension duty at MCC. The clients were all sooo different than in the hospital setting. They're not intimidating. Plus, there's even this one guy who opened up (well, he didn't have a choice since I was the interviewer) that his genitals were in pain. WAHAHAHA! I like this job. You get to meet different people. Plus, I can see myself writing the hypothetical stories of my clients in my head. It does wonders for my writing abilities (which I will not publish here! hahaha)

Like how a prostitute wants to get a pregnancy test. Or how a grandmother seeks medical attention and later finds out she's about to die. AHHH. The endless possibilities.

And oh, did I tell you that I saw an exorcism the other day? Reality can sometimes clash with science. I was being the nurse one minute and the next minute I was pushed aside by exorcists as I nervously watched over my "patient" screaming Jesus' name.

Oh yes, I slept with the lights on for 2 nights.

***

I guess college is going to end so I better gather up all the memories that I can before I become sentimental and clingy to my past. It's been 2 and a half years since I chose Nursing. I better take my leap soon. And choosing is at the crossroads again. I hope I don't make last minute decisions again. :)

TATAY.

2009-11-15T00:09:00.002+08:00

Assisted my dad for the first time. Debridement and Closed Reduction.

Why is it that when he shouts inside the OR, I'm not surprised at all? Or how he curses in Ilonggo and throws hurtful words (and things?) into the air. Or how he is god during those crucial moments that the patient is undergoing surgery.

I guess living under his roof for the most part of my life has made me immune. I wish the others could adjust to him though. He's really a soft man inside. Hehe.

choosing sides.

2009-11-12T22:22:00.003+08:00

yes or no?
right or wrong?
happiness or sorrow?
PRESENT OR FUTURE?
keep moving or stopping?
hold on or let go?
FIGHT OR GIVE UP?

Sometimes, we need to choose. I hate those sometimes. I REALLY REALLY REALLY DO.

I TOLD YOU SO.

2009-11-09T21:40:00.002+08:00

I guess THIS IS REALLY IT.

Or perhaps not.

Looking at our ideal flow of activities for the whole semester, and a little peak at summer, it is safe to say that we're in for a good beating.

Personally, I don't think the reshuffling was a good idea if they wanted the students to perform better. Plus, I don't like the fact that I terribly miss my old classmates. I guess the first day doesn't really judge the whole outcome of you semester. But I can't help but feel that this is going to be one hell of a ride.

Kaso, gasgas na gasgas na yung linya kong yun and I don't think I ever felt that ride. EVER. So, malay natin. Mahahawi pa ang pakiramdam kong ito. (New word for the day: HAWIIN. thanks to Gien!)

So, I shall sit back and strive better. What I like about this year is that I was blessed enough to meet people who were able to remind me of what I came here for. Why I took nursing in the first place. People who've consciously and unconsciously given me various wake up calls. People who've told me: "Jog, ito yung goal mo. Ito ang gusto mo ma-achieve." And I thank them for that.

Sometimes, we all need a little kicking.

And although there will probably be less time to slack-off and play chikicha because
1. my friends are into DoTA now.
2. my schedule is hell at first glance. although I doubt it's anything else.
3. I'm determined to NOT settle for something mediocre this time. for a change. :)

I will
1. still have fun
2. be alive after May comes.
3. still have a life. a social life perhaps. XD
4. become a senior by June.

***

Plus, I need to plan for Medicine if I'm that determined.

Good luck Sauveur de Bien! :)

Vanilla Twilight. <3

2009-11-06T21:50:00.002+08:00

I stayed up late last night thinking of how I really felt.

Is it even possible? Living your life like how it currently is and then suddenly you doubt things you were always so sure of.

If it is possible, is it normal?

We all have our moments.

***

I guess I will always be hopeless romantic.

And all I ever wanted was a part-time lover and a full time friend.

Guess what, God already gave him to me. I just forget.
Thank God, he sticks around.
ily. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2009-11-03T20:01:00.003+08:00

I gave birth to you out of boredom. Making you was so much fun.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOG!

LOL. Double meaning much?

***

New day. New sem. New classmates. New section.

I do hope everything will be fine. :]

I am my own welcome party.

2009-11-03T00:49:00.003+08:00

First day back and it's like I was never gone.

So many things to do. So many information missed. So many lines to fill. So many stories to tell.

Nursing, you continue to surprise me. I guess another blow has come that college isn't high school. (Yes, I haven't fully wrapped myself around that fact). Tomorrow's enrollment day. I have a lot of questions to ask.

Did I meet my standards?
or has another dream flushed itself down the drain?

Do I continue living like before?
or has the trip really changed my perceptions and goals?

Have I found my ground?
or shall I keep on searching?

Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow is another day to be HAPPY. Whatever comes. Whatever! :]

hello,november.

2009-11-01T00:22:00.002+08:00

If you're wondering where I've been (or probably not but you'll keep reading anyway), I've been... soul searching. :]

My mom managed to drag me here in Manila for my Lola's birthday celebration last October 25. I've been here for a week now.

So far, I've come to conclusions about my past and plans for my future. I'm currently trying to accept the present and be at peace with myself. I'll be graduating soon. Manila might be home again.

I know I was planning to post a decent description of what has happened to me. But then, the yearnning I have to come back home is overwhelming. I miss typing on my own laptop. It's more conducive for me to be poetic and whatnot.

So, happy halloween everybody! Second Semester is coming. :]

WOW part II.

2009-10-17T21:08:00.003+08:00

It's really over. That was one of the fastest semesters EVER. I never really felt the HARD CORE pressure. And it makes me more scared of second sem.

I really hope I didn't screw up my exams though. Because I always have that leniency when it's end of the term. I seem to run out of interest when victory is so near that my fingertips are touching it. But then the assurance of obtaining it doesn't sink in until you wrap your whole palm around it. Well, I do hope I get to.

***

Moving on. Sembreak is here!! (Will it exist for us Saveur De Bien 2011?). God only knows.

In the mean time, I'll have to enjoy things as they come. Who knows. A twist of fate my happen. (I hope I am wrong. haha.)

WOW.

2009-10-09T00:23:00.002+08:00

Akalain mo yun. I survived first semester of junior life. Why is college more fast-tracked than highschool? A year and a half from now, I'll be having a diploma. (Yes, I will not be pessimistic about that diploma!)

Mataba pa ako dati. Ngayon, na-stress na ng konti. HAHAHA.

Of course, it's not over 'til it's over. Exams are next week. I'm praying for that 2.00 in NCM and English 29 to print itself on my semestral grade report. So I better do well in the exams.

:]

WHISPER.

2009-10-04T22:05:00.003+08:00

Lately, I've been hormonal. I think when I made those jokes about my own endometrial lining being thickened, my uterus heard it and sort of... rebelled. I've actually been having irregular periods. Is it the stress or something else?

Anyway, let us blame things on the hormones.

I've been very irritable. Well of course, I'm always irritable to some degree when I'm at home. (You can't help it when your room is full of mess that's not even yours to start with) but I've started bringing my irritability at school. Particularly venting it out on someone. I don't think it's healthy at all.

I should use napkins soon or else I might become Godzilla.

WATCHER.

2009-10-02T01:22:00.002+08:00

When my dad said he had a hemorrhoid, I had to scan my books to remember what it meant. I wasn't scared of the fact that he had it. I was scared of the possibility that it may not just be a simple hemorrhoid.

He had a colonoscopy this evening and my brother scared me to death with all the what-ifs. Frankly, during our car ride, I was praying the whole time that Papa will be okay and that it was just a hemorrhoid.

Currently, I'm at the hospital being the watcher instead of the patient. Now I know how it will feel when my Papa is old and sickly and he needs me to take care of him. But I do hope that time is still far away. After all, God shouldn't take people away if they have conflicts left in life. (e.g. if they haven't reconciled with their wife). I'm just happy that Papa can now breath freely without the threat of a possible malignant diagnosis clouding his head. :]

***

I hate it when I'm not ready for explaining something. Especially when I am not well-read about my topic. It crushes my ego to not be able to answer a question without proper expounding supported by literature. And you know what, I think I'll be hating tomorrow. It's our last CP for the sem and I don't think we're ending this with a BANG. more like a BOOM to me.

Wish us luck.

the pathophysiology of a nursing student

2009-10-01T01:40:00.002+08:00

What excites me most about Medical Surgical Nursing is Pathophysiology.

Yes I am sincerely serious about that statement. I've always been fascinated with how diseases attack the body. Studying all the details and steps a pathogen takes to induce a person into reversible and irreversible diseases as well as the unhealthy lifestyle a person lives which consequently leads to his possible downfall. Like how an increase in hormones can cause eclampsia. Or how increased estrogen unopposed by progesterone leads to endometrial hyperplasia. And how an autoimmune response to a Beta A hemolytic streptococci infection leads to rheumatic fever.

But if it's almost 2 am in the morning and you are still awake trying to trace a certain pathophysiology while the details remain to be elusive is quite of an ass. To add to that is your ZERO supply on energy drinks to keep you alert and awake and the constant temptation the bed gives you as its sight lures you to take your well-deserved slumber.

Eraserheads aren't exactly helping right now either. Now that I've momentarily dropped all attempts to look for answers, I look for distractions. Blogger has just filled that purpose.

I even have a quiz for Cardio tomorrow. For the nth time, the heart is such a pain in the ass. Currently being high with Sting energy drinks while sleep deprived and burning brain cells at a rate of 500 per second (assuming), is not a good way to become a productive person tomorrow.

Hence, I shall try to wrap up and continue in the morning.

...but will have to study for Cardio first. (And the tuko outside my window calls out for me to go to sleep) :P

oh hello, blogger.

2009-09-26T00:51:00.003+08:00

Have I been that busy?

Honestly, when it comes to school, my workload has not reached boiling point yet. Compared to my classmates who have been battered over and over again by their respective CIs (shoutout to group 1!), I can safely say that my group has recieved God's divine providence this semester. Not only do we have heaven sent CIs BUUUUT, we also have circumstances in our favor. Take for example cancellation of duties and extended deadlines. And my ward duty tally is (drum roll please) THREE.

Yes, I have only spent three 7-3 shifts in the hospital this semester. One for each rotation. And to top it all off, I have the most low maintenace patients evurrr. Which consequently gives me all the idle time during duty hours to peek inside other rooms and run errands like calling groupmates. I guess, when I prepared myself for stress this semester, God decided to give me a break then send me a shock wave next sem.

Well, I thank God for this but I think I should learn to survive inside the lion's den. I don't want to graduate OR even proceed to 4th year without even having ample amount of hands on experience on nursing agendas. Yes, the papers aren't actually a breeze but then, when I decide to stop at becoming a nurse, I don't think case presentations will matter. What I need is experience on HOW to do things not theoretically.

***

And yet again, my mind suddenly goes blank as the ideas rush in. 'Til next time. Adieu.

999.

2009-09-09T23:26:00.002+08:00

Wow. Intrams na pala.

Although I would like to tell stories and indulge myself in feeding my ego, I weep.

..because my laptop can't connect to wifi and am currently hagging my brother's computer (technically, he's not at home most of the time these days so it's practically mine for now).

And as much as I'd like to be cheesy and poetic right now by exercising my fictitious and dormant writing skills, I am..too lazy.

So, happy 999.

I just dropped by to make an entry and be able to have proof that I was able to take advantage of the last set of repeating single-digit date for the century.

GO EAGLES!! (although I can feel kakarmahin tayo. hahaha)

LA LA LA

2009-09-03T08:43:00.002+08:00

My life has been unexpectedly happy for the past days.

Despite all the facts that there are still things which make everything out of pace, I am happy.

I guess when you find that ONE THING, everything's a breeze. :]

***

I miss Elle. I do. I wonder how fat she is now. HAHA.

And supposedly, NCM grades are out. Although I have no tangible proof that I passed my standards, I thank God for whatever he decided to give me now.

Happy intrams Dameans.

(at o nga pala, out na daw ang yearbook natin batchmates. HAHAHA!)

late reaction.

2009-08-26T13:36:00.004+08:00

do you see??

EIGHTEEN NA PALA AKO.

HAHAHA. :]

friendster, you just had to rub it in.

dun nalang ako sa facebook. :]

profile pictures and pictures. and pictures.

2009-08-25T08:47:00.003+08:00

Do you happen to have a friendster or facebook account? Have you observed a girl's profile picture? Do you not find certain profile pics DISTURBING or ANNOYING?? If you are a guy, perhaps you find it AROUSING?? LOL.

Just observations. :]

#1

Sitting on a chair (or God knows where), wearing skimpy shorts, one hand on a cellphone raised to a 45-70 angle and taking pictures of herself while pouting at the camera.

WTH right?

There are tons more variations of how to take your own profile pic which entails showing off some skin while making a facial expression to look cute. A few years ago, when friendster surfaced the internet, everyone was taking pictures just to post it as their profile pic. Through the years, the profile pics have evolved from cropped group pics to pictures taken where ever, when ever and wearing whatever.

What do you call that pic that girls take from a 45 to 70 degree angle anyway? It's the most used type of taking a portrait of yourself that it gets... repetitive and GASGAS. You're smiling. You're pouting. You have a blank face on. Angry-looking. Name it, they have it but it's always in the same angle.

Why do all girls think they look better in that angle? What is it with that effin' picture?

#2

Ah yes. There is also that mirror pic. Where you take a picture in front of the mirror while the camera or cellphone you used is still visible (without the flash of course). This of course was used if you don't have a photographer inside the girl's bathroom. But nowadays, girls just want to take pictures in front of full length mirrors to "show off" their clothes/ body/ figure.

There's nothing wrong with it as long as you are wearing decent clothes and doing a decent pose. It disturbs me when the person in the picture has to lean back with her whole chest out. ORRRR, she has to hold on to a footboard or a chair and pop out her butt.

Now THAT is WTH.

#3

lastly, I am also disturbed by profile pictures that don't even show FACES but LEGS. Sure, you can see a quarter of her face in the pic but the rest is her thighs to her legs. What do you want people to know you as anyway? A pair of crispy Pata?? Yes, yes, we can see your legs are flawless and firm and you are wearing (?) nice shorts. What is the point exactly??

***

I guess there are really just those girls who want to literally SHOW IT. Anyway, it's their profile, not mine. :]

And shut up if you think I'm just insecure because I am also guilty with the angled pics. I just find other's version of it... disturbing. Hehe.

just another snorefest sunday.

2009-08-23T20:47:00.002+08:00

I've been especially nostalgic today. For one, I was listening to my "heartbreak" song back in highschool. HAHAHA. Yes, I had a heartbreak song. And there was a time in my life wherein I was the stupid teenager with the raging hormones.

Thinking about it now, WTH!!! HAHAHA. Hormones do play a major part in our lives. I just kept laughing so hard when I thought about how things were back then. Thank God I reached college. High school years weren't really my golden years. So yeah. Thank God. :]

Speaking about highschool, the other day, we went to play Rockband and I was really caught off guard when 15 year olds were at the billiard table playing billiards, smoking and flirting with each other. HAHA. If seeing really old people flirt and get high is gross enough, what more with people who barely grew inches and boobs!! I swear. I knew those faces back in high school. AS FRESHMEN! and now they think they are all grown up and ready to do the real deal. LOL. I wonder if their parents know where they are and what they are doing. :]

***

My weekend was unreproductive. I think my brain cells have disintegrated yet again. I compared my writing now with how I write in my previous blogs about 2-3 years ago. I think I'm losing valuable vocabulary. I guess nursing does that to you. College does. Depending on the course you choose. I miss being able to write continuously and not stopping for a word that's on the tip of my tongue yet I can't seem to remember it. I used to write figuratively and now I describe things straight to the point WITH medical terms at times. It's frustrating because I liked how poetic I could get and how oddly dramatic I rant when I am stressed or pissed or plainly inspired. I miss how I can come up with my own metaphors and whatnots.

AS IF I'M SOMEBODY eh noh. HAHAHA. LOL.

***

Oh well, I just need to write something. To practice. I'm scared of the coming intramurals. For after 3 years of abstaining from extra-curricular activities (playing as a swimming varsity doesn't count because I basically didn't deal with it seriously), I've finally been forced to convince myself to showcase my extemporaneous prowess. hahaha. I'm just scared of going blank on stage (just like what I did during the final round back in second year high school). College people can intimidate me. Because some just speak real fast and they use big words which can seem sensible (although they really are just useless decor). But still, it has that intimidate factor.

So wish me luck!! :]

***

and just in the middle of my typing spree, my ideas leave me. so I log off and say 'til next time. :]

ONE down.

2009-08-20T23:23:00.003+08:00

and n more to go! :]

***

Our CP was... a relief. Sir D was kind enough to spare us the fire breathing and 500 words per minute sermon. Yes, it unexpectedly went THAT well.

Although I do admit that we lack detail, I think we deserve our score. HAPPINESS! And we had fun in the process. Disturbed energy field plus superinfection and all. HAHAHA.

***

But life is always governed by opposing forces. Which is why even though my Majors are starting to brighten up, my minors have taken a downfall in the form of our exams.

Well, actually, just one exam in particular. And the least expected of all.

I've loved English subjects all my life. And the feeling was always mutual. But lo and behold, I almost get a 79 grade in my English 29 subject! I actually heard my heart break the moment I saw that digital 7 and 9 on my calculator.

How can this be??? I am not being boastful or anything. Its just that all my life, I've never received a grade lower than 86 for my English subject. It has always been my pride to show my highest grade to my parents which would always turn out to be my English grade.

And now, I am partly ashamed to flash that almost 79 (because I recomputed and it became an 80 something.)

So, let us trace the pathophysiology of this event.

The short version is that NCM exams were taken the morning of August 10. I was so preoccupied with studying about pain and surgery that I forgot I had a minor exam in the afternoon. (Guess what, it was our English 29 exam the next day!!!). Of course, being the crammer and typical nursing student that I am, I opted to concentrate on my Majors rather than my Minors. As the words imply, MAJORS are more important than minors. So yeah, I took our English exam with the knowledge of 20% out of a hundred.

Guess what! I barely got a score a little over half the total. (Itago nalang natin ang score ko na 47/80) So, divide 47 by 80 and multiply to 30% you get 17 point something something. OO, yun lang percentage ko sa exam.

Although my AQR has skyrocketed to mars, my exams remain in our stratosphere. And no matter how high my AQR is, without the exams with it in Mars, my grade is left to hang somewhere in the layers of the atmosphere.

***

Matinding wake up call yun ha. If I really am determined to get honors during graduation, I better start treating my subjects as equals. Or else one will rebel against me.

So help me God. :]

hi tech? more like LINTEK!

2009-08-17T07:13:00.003+08:00

So, after our exams, we were informed that instead of passing our case presentation on Wednesday, we will PRESENT it on wednesday.

That means we have to pass the manuscript TODAY.

I'm just so blessed to have very helpful partners. Because we are almost done! :]

Although my brain is so filled with endometrium, hyperplasia and TAHBSO concepts, it's all good. Why? Because when all sanity and eyelid power to open your eyes has been wiped away, all you need is a BIG BIIIIIG kaldero of lucky me pancit canton (EXTRA HOT!) to feast on with your groupmates. That will surely wake you up AND make you more...SANE? HAHA.

plus, Youtube-ing Rex Navarete's stand-up comedy is the ultimate relaxation video.

***

This week has only just begun and I can already see dark circles I'll be having by the end of the week. HAHAHA. Wish me luck. :]

goal not met.

2009-08-10T22:12:00.002+08:00

I cannot brag about feeling safe and secured after our MAJOR exams.

To top that, I also feel I could've done better with English 29.

WELL, life is tough. Welcome to third year. :]

***

Bakit ayaw nila akong i-assign sa DOCTOR'S?!? BAKEEEEEET!!!!

fine. maybe 48 hours.

2009-08-09T20:12:00.002+08:00

Sunday can never be study day.

But I swear I will kick ass tomorrow.

and the next day.

until friday.

Nursing lang yan!!!

(opposing the negativism of my clinical instructor)

***

If I fail, I will buy 2 gallons of vanilla ice cream.

Raise your hands high if you wanna come! :]

after 24 hours:

2009-08-08T21:08:00.002+08:00

I will be able to take my studies seriously.

I am up for the challenge of getting a high score for the exam (NCM and RLE). I've been hearing good luck comments from the CIs. They're obviously at it again --- trying to scare us to death about bloody exam questions. Well, I want to know how it feels like (for once in my nursing life) to finish an exam without worries of failing. Although it doesn't really count that much since I've always remain unphased by exam results. Not counting my summer Pharma breakdown of course. (Because I seriously fell asleep the night before finals).

You may be wondering why I suddenly had a change of heart. Well, yesterday I had a wake up call in the form of a supposedly easy quiz. IV fluid calculations. Medication Calculations and the Signature. WTH right? Believe it or not, I had a bloody 20/60 score (there were only 6 questions which amounts to 10 points each). My ego was crushed. How can I get a score like that?? I can honestly get over it if it was a 60 ITEM quiz. but a 6 item quiz?? What a blow.

I promised what I promised when I ditched Education for Nursing. That promise is a priority.

***

Therefore, I am quitting my current vice - which is playing poker at facebook. Aside from the fact that I half-intentionally lost 430000 chips today, I think sleeping at 4 am in the morning from playing poker is pointless. It isn't even real money to start with. And my eyes are suffering from all the radiation. I'll stick to playing Chikicha in school instead. :]

***

Goodbye gambling. For now. or Forever. Whichever comes first.

I will study for the exams. Although I didn't say I was giving up the internet too. :]

***

I still have 20000 chips. You want it? EARN IT. Hehe.

plants vs. zombies.

2009-08-02T01:15:00.005+08:00

I'm shifting to this game because Texas Hold 'em Poker hates me right now.

Either that or I just plainly suck at poker. I have no "poker face" and I'm the worst bluffer ever. Well, except of course if the game is called Bullshit. :]

***

I'm very sleepy and in 2 hours, President Cory will be 24 hours dead. (Yah, I know nothing about logic) HAHAHA.

***

Why am I blogging at this hour anyway. Hmm. Let me think of what has happened.

My duty with Sir Dagoc was...educational. I have a 1 hour extension just because of a stupid needle. Well, it beats being 30 minutes late (shoutout to Manuel!!). Plus my patient was very low maintenance. I like patients on meds which make them extremely sleepy and kudos to extra-cooperative and understanding watchers. HAHAHA!!

***

Teka. Teka. I think my sole reason of blogging was to attempt writing something deep this time and no more rants.

But you know me. I'm Jog. And I love to rant. And my thoughts know nothing about organization. My brain is not compartmentalized (contrary to my math teacher's belief).

Am I making sense? I think it's the feeling of weakness and being dragged on to live through the weeks.

***

No, I don't think I'm talking to you anymore.
Perhaps it really is time to sleep.

***

And oh, if you ever go to an ECG seminar with a resource speaker (let us call him Dr. Chu), make sure to be mentally ready to take in all the corrupting data he feeds your brain. Seminars like that aren't for the innocent minds. Some people are just plain green. XD

***

I am uncoherent and soon will fall into unconsciousness. Too much internet. XD

***
EDIT:

pahabol note: British singing accents are...endearing. LOL. XD

and it has begun.

2009-07-29T22:01:00.002+08:00

Notice how my posts have become more and more occasional?

I think you can surmise that stress is starting to take its toll.

Would you believe that two weeks of duty has passed and I haven't told you a decent story since? Hay. That promise of preserving the memories is slipping away.

I guess you can't blame me for not blogging. NOTHING significant happened in the operating room for the past two weeks. We collected cobwebs. WALANG CASE!! Except for the last day where we had a patient for CS. I was tasked to be the instruments nurse. I can't lie about action and adrenaline rush in the OR (unlike in Grey's Anatomy and other medicine drama). There was no spark there. Just handed instruments to an OB Gynecologist while she incised on a pregnant belly.

Anyway, the board results just came out. NDDU has a 79% passing. I felt my heart drop. SEVENTY NINE?? The school prides itself with 90++ passing rates for the past years and suddenly we fall to 79. Kuya school has a whooping 100% passing rate and they've been in the business for half a decade palang. I wonder what has happened to the nursing education here in my school. It's actually alarming.

Have we taken a dive down after continuously climbing to the top??

I hope not.

***

I don't really have the luxury of time right now. The free time is being eaten up by...all sorts of things. NUUUUU!!!

So, need to cut this short.

spaghetti is delicious with rice.

2009-07-19T01:22:00.002+08:00

When you take something old and add spice to it or innovate it, turning it into something new --- that is...WONDERFUL

Sabaw extemporaneous statement. LOL.

Today was our EAGLES acquaintance. It's actually a first that I am blogging in detail about this. SO you better read all about it. HAHAHA.

Participated in the extempo speaking contest. And the title of this entry was my adage. OMG. I almost panicked and shook my mind in order to come up with a reasonable explanation which can last for a minute.

Bottom line: I SURVIVED. XD

Let us skip the other parts of the party since most of the time I was walking around the campus or at the mirror room watching some of my batchmates practice.

Ramil won for Hiyas ng Agila. And now, I can really prove that when something is really for you, things like those, they find you. It goes to show that PChan should step to the next level and join the Hiyas ng Notre Dame search. WEEEEE. :]

And Ate Matet too. Juniors rule!!! Twas fun being stage ate to Ramil (Ye was the stage mom while Jona was the stage yaya). Sa Uweek ulit!! haha. LOL.

***

Spent the second part of my bday celebration at Chill and Surf. Although my hair smells like cigarette smoke, I enjoyed playing Rockband (as usual). BITIN nga lang.

WAAAA. Too tired na. Fun day. Will update when I get my photoshoot pics. XD

18 is not my favorite number.

2009-07-14T22:59:00.002+08:00

and so, this is the last time I'll be writing an entry as a 17 year old.

I will now face the dreadful number which will be written on my permanent data

for at least 365 more days.

HELLO next stage of development. XD

realizations.

2009-07-13T00:49:00.002+08:00

I always thought the number 6 was significant to me.

My birthday is on the 15th of july.

add 5 and 1 you get 6.

And this is weirder

The sixth installment of Harry Potter is released on July the 15th.

***

I'm just looking for a way to talk about the 15th in a different way.

JUNIOR LIFE.

2009-07-05T21:52:00.009+08:00

It's been three weeks since I stepped into the realm of the hardest year of being a nursing student. So far, I've been warned and scared to death by the Clinical Instructors. So far, they've successfully scared me by 30%. The reality hasn't sink in yet.

THE FIRST WEEK OF CLASS

Was kinda a week back to being a freshy. WE HAD BIZARRELY LOOOOONG BREAKS. It's like breathing for the first time. Went to school by 7:30 and the next formal class was 4:30 in the afternoon. I'm actually not used to it.

We only had 8 hours 16 hours for the week alloted for our major subject and the load wasn't that hard that I had time to write NOTES. PLUS, my notes actually make sense. and they're colorful!!

The minors are actually not worth talking about. Except for the teachers. For 3 semesters in a row, we have Ms. Thornberry again (the one who loves to make us sing B-U-TT-E-R... F-L-Y BUTTERFLY!). And I am reunited with drone RE teacher and drone Math teacher. We also have a new drone teacher who is closely related to our college dean. Also reunited with my ex-History teacher last summer but she teaches Filipino now. And of course, I have a good English teacher this sem. :)

THE SECOND WEEK OF CLASS

MAJOR LONG BREAKS. And I finally meet the REAL Mr. Dagoc who really looks like Mr. A back in STC. Seriously, they look alike. We had a very educational first meeting because out of the blue, he decided to ask us one by one what our driving force for pursuin nursing was. So at 7:30 in the morning, he made 95% of the class cry. Excluding me of course. And I got to realize how lucky I am to be gifted on the financial level. Seriously.

Because neither my dad nor my mom works as an OFW. When I need to buy books, I just have to tell my dad. I haven't lost a loved one yet whom I dedicate my education to. And my parents have enough to fend for my studies.

And during that meeting, I got to do my "I was supposed to be a teacher speech". After 3 years, congratulate me because I didn't cry for my unforgotten childhood dream. :]

The lecture was fun. REALLY INTERESTING. And congratulate me again for filling 6 pages in my notebook for 2 days lecture. :]

Yes, I had time to doodle. XD

THIRD WEEK OF CLASSES

Extempo during English! Reunited with my favorite type of speech. It's been 3 years. Hehe.

Demo during majors. I am not in love with the sterile technique. Although the OR thrills me. Everyone's asking if my dad is really a terror in the Operating room. I'd say --- find out for yourself!! Hehe.

***

I know I promised a complete post. But... Everytime I try to make a decent entry, my mind goes blank. Perhaps it is writer's block. I just have tons of things I missed to say that my mind lags when I try to remember everything at once. So yah.

So to fill you in with what is occupying my mind these days, let me give you TWO words:

That's it for now. :]

excuse me!

2009-07-03T23:07:00.002+08:00

12 days remain before I leave my childhood. OHMAYGAAAAD I can't be called a minor anymore and I don't like it.

But let me leave the debut post for later.

I am just so busy with --- whatever. Although I am not being bombarded by MAJOR workload (yet), I seem to be preoccupied with things.

Tulad ngayon. Plano ko mag post ng mahaba-habang update. And I seriously need to study the different surgical instruments.

so, EXCUSE ME, but I promise to post a decent entry on SUNDAY. XD

not giving a damn.

2009-06-29T00:58:00.002+08:00

is NOT right.

I'm starting to slip away. The promises are getting broken one by one.

and I had a lot of things to talk about before today. I guess a person can really take away all your enthusiasm with the wrong choice of words. Insensitivity has that effect on people - you make them sad and in my case, MORE SAD.

and I don't want to hear "Don't fret, look at Michael Jackson, he died.". :|

i am waiting.

2009-06-20T17:32:00.002+08:00

Junior life hasn't been such an ass yet and I am waiting anxiously for the time it'll bite me from behind. So far, majors haven't been bitches yet because I've only been having classes for my minor subjects.

HELLO STRESS, are you making tactics before you pounce? I feel like I'm waiting for my death sentence and all I wanna do is have fun before I DO get death by nursing. I've even had the luxury of going home during my breaks. And the last time I got to do that was back in freshman year. LOL. It's been that long??

Although I haven't gotten used to the NIGHT SHIFT classes which always end by 8:30pm, I'm getting more and more psycho by the minute. Last thursday I performed a lucky me commercial in Ilonggo. OMG. The Ilonggos shall revolt. :)) What more if I my body clock gets used to this new way of life.

I am waiting for my challenge and for an excuse to be losing pounds. I am waiting to get sick and make myself go to school despite that fact. I am waiting to graduate and look for a harder challenge. :]

Will be updating less soon.

I am not my father's daughter.

2009-06-13T15:46:00.003+08:00

because I am weak at drinking.

I tried.

3 glasses and I already felt woozy.

So it's either I'm not built for drinking

or dahil I had swine flu last night.

Eitherway,

no more than 2 glasses for me!

(with water in between)

To think na mixed drinks lang yun. XD

it's been such a long time.

2009-06-11T21:57:00.003+08:00

And I missed blogging about a lot of things.

-like how my 1 week escape was
- like how my 1 day extension duty was
- like how---in a week and a half's time, a kid transformed my smile from convex to concave.

and now, in 3 days, I will be throwing myself into a snake pit to struggle for survival. Contrary to what you may be thinking, I AM GLAD! Because being stuck with a 2-year old who is suspected to have ADHD is worse than an 8 hour hostpital duty. REAL LIFE WILL ALWAYS SUCK MORE THAN SCHOOL.

So although our little bundle of cuteness and kulitness is such a blessed curse, I think diving into a different kind of stressor is relieving--- for a change. :]

***

On a different note, July is around the corner and my dad is asking for my debut plans which is, btw, non-existent at the moment. And although an ACTUAL debut party is tempting, the timing is just wrong. Besides, no one would be organizing it for me since they are all busy with their lives. Given my semester's schedule, I am in no position to stress myself even more for a one night only party.

So I'm thinking food, food and games. HAHA. I'm shouting food and rockband and party games. Because a cotillion, ball gown, high heels and high society stuff screams stupid to me and after what I lost last May, I don't think I'm in the position to ask my dad to waste more money on me.

***

And now I move on to prepare myself for the snake pit and my one week to make or break it for midterms. 60% here I come.

2 years to go and I can pave my way to med school if I pass. :]

CANNOT BE REACHED.

2009-05-20T22:18:00.000+08:00

You may wonder why I haven't been posting anything new for the past weeks (perhaps months even!).

At first, it was because I was busy and there was nothing to blog about.

ALAS! MOTHERTRUCKER, I have all the right to rant on my blog right now.

Sunday: May 17,2009

The start of hell week. I'd like to forget all the details. But the Icing on my devilish cake came first --- thieves broke the window of our car. I was stupid enough to leave my bag there. Naturally, I lost my bag. In it was --- oh you can imagine what. Cellphone, wallet, ipod, camera.. I try not to be bitter about it because it's done.

What pains me the most is that MY DAD was the one who gave me all those and I let it go JUST LIKE THAT. WHAT'S worse is that I even got his car window shattered. I blame nobody but myself. Stupidity has it's price. And what a price I had to pay. I should've learned from Professor Moody: "Constant VIGILANCE!".

The good thing is that, I only get to be stupid once to be able to learn.

So dad, I know you'll be able to read this. I'M SAYING SORRY TO YOU A MILLION MORE TIMES because no amount of money can pay for what I've done. I know they are all just material things and that if I study hard enough and work harder, I'll earn the money to buy those things again. But you tried to teach me a lesson and it hurts that I had to learn it from someone else. SO I'M SORRY.

Monday: May 18,2009

Couldn't sleep. Because I still had the previous day's misfortune replaying like a broken record in my head. What I SHOULD HAVE done. What COULD HAVE happened if I chose to stay in that car. I COULD HAVE been smashed together with our car's window. SOMETHING WORSE COULD'VE HAPPENED.

Pharmacology was a complete blur. I was taking my pulse rate over and over again while I tried to grasp for air. I kept fidgeting and moving in my seat. I WAS HAVING AN ANXIETY ATTACK. All the emotions I failed to let out the previous night came pouring in. I BROKE DOWN AND CRIED.

I tried to forget things by playing card games and pretending to NOT CARE ABOUT IT.

When I got home, Elle started to have tantrums. My mind fell blank and I found myself crying with my niece. She was crying about being sleepy. I was crying about the what-ifs and i-shouldves.

My brothers tried to comfort me by letting me play boxing with our Wii. If only the computer character was the thief who stole from us, he would've bled to death right then and there. I threw punches and cursed out loud. Things like these, you HAVE to let them out.

Wednesday: May 20,2009

When I was about to heal with my lost everything, exams had to come. I tried concentrating on studying for pharma, history and nutrition. Problem is, I had too much sleepless nights that I didn't take the stress. I fell asleep. I woke up by 6:40am with nothing to answer for my tests.

I called Jona to ask for help. I was doomed to fail. I CANNOT FAIL. I promised myself I'd graduate Cum Laude for my dad. I composed myself, prayed so hard and my mom prayed over me as well.

Pharma was another anxiety attack. I tried telling Ma'am that I wasn't able to study. She already knows what happened to me last Sunday. She tried to encourage me to try and answer the exams because we already reviewed it. True enough, I was able to answer some. Although I am still scared of getting a grade lower than 2.00.

Nutri is a way bigger blow. I studied for it an hour and a half before our exam. Our teacher was absent for 5 straight days and we had no idea what our exam was all about. Let me shorten this by saying: out of 125 items, IT'S A MIRACLE IF I GET A SCORE HIGHER THAN 60.

***

I pray to the heavens that they have mercy on me.

WHERE IS MY RAINBOW AFTER THAT DREADFUL RAIN?

GOD CAN TAKE ALOT AWAY. AND HE CANE GIVE ALOT MORE. :]

happy mother's day!

2009-05-10T19:55:00.002+08:00

Contrary to what you may expect, this post is not about my mother. Although I love her dearly, I choose to blog about something else. But still, Happy Mother's Day!

***

I had a very educational weekend. For one, I got to go with my dad to the operating room. Watching him do what he does for a living is actually refreshing. Kinda reminds me how hard it is to provide to a growing family of a dad, 5 children and 2 grandchildren (the children include my mom). HAHA.

Anyway, it was a radius and ulna plating thingy. Looking at the x-rays, the bones were cut into two. I still suck at explaining medical procedures but my dad had to put metal thingies (called plates) to connect the broken bones. He did that by opening the arm, aligning the broken bones, and drilling and screwing the plate in place. Basically that's about it. After the procedure, you suture and staple it then a cast is placed. Took about 2 and a half hours to finish. I enjoyed watching. As usual, my dad was yawyaw King. Good thing the student nurse from NDDU survived. Haha.

Right after papa's operation, we also got to watch a cystoscopy and removal of a stent by a nephro doctor. We got to view a male urethra!! Hehe. BONUS. Plus the doctor was kind enough to explain what he was doing so we'd understand. Baka daw kasi isa sa amin ni Kuya Jom ay maisipan mag-Nephro. :]

***

Today was the summer operation tule at GSDH. I got to assist!!! Although noobs ako masyado, I learned alot. Like when cutting sutures, it should be atleast 3mm away from the skin. I also finally know what "smegma" really is. Dati kasi, ginagago lang ako ng mga kuya ko. HAHAHA!! It was fun. Although I failed at sterility. Kung CI lang kasama ko nun, naka-ilang IR na ako. Buti mabait si Ma'am Laila (She was kind enough to teach and assist me since it was my first time.)

Next year ulit. HAHA. Ako nanaman tuli. JOKE. :]

Plus super busog kasi libre food!! weeee.

***

Now I have to face the reality of my 12309481209348234 chapter long quiz tomorrow for Pharma. And I MUST revive my Nutri grade. WAAAAA. Hindi ako papayag na Nutri lang ang makapagpa-bagsak sa aking DL standing. XD

before i forget how to blog.

2009-05-07T21:31:00.004+08:00

I share randomness.

***

Papa: (to Kuya) So, cool-off daw kayo.
-silence-
-kuya Majds makes a don't-remind-me-about-that face-
Papa: (to Kuya) So, si Jog nalang ang may ano.

So tell me Pa, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY ANO?? hahaha. I guess my sister is right. Acceptance takes time. Besides, ANO is what I used to call my brother's girlfriend. HAHAHAHA.

***

I have skipped alot of stories these past few days.

Judging from my facebook account's shoutouts, I've mostly been busy with either Pharma or Nutri. School is being an ass.

I promise to TRY fill you in on my missed stories like summerfest and others. I still have long tests and projects to finish. XD

***

Operation Tuli this Sunday!! I finally gathered the courage to ASSIST. (May balak kasi akong mag-proceed ng third year Nursing). wahahaha. Birdies galore. :]

***

I'm supposed to be studying for a 12 chapter quiz. OH YEAH. DEATH AGAIN.
But my Pharma grade looks very BRIGHT. WAHAHA. :]

dead on arrival.

2009-05-03T11:07:00.003+08:00

I took my exams yesterday.
Pharma was... fine.
History was better.
Nutri was DEATH.

Shitness yang Diet Prescription.
TAE!

Summerfest na bukas.
And I still have to make my Nutri project.
In order to compensate for my predictable DEAD grades.

I AM SLEEP-DEPRIVED.

2009-04-28T23:58:00.002+08:00

But happy.

Last night was murder. I had no idea what cardiac stimulant to report about and wasted 1238471283471234 hours on the pc trying to find a decent report. But alas, at 12 midnight, my brain cells started functioning.

Of course, the universe conspired to take away the electricity at 2 am. I literally cried because I was in the middle of making my report and only had barely 20% done. I was in no mood to hold a pen with my right hand and a flashlight with my left. By 3 something AM, Pharma 1 murdered me.

***

But it's all good.

Because ma'am decided to be an angel and let me off the hook by taking away the burden of discussing cardiac stimulants.

***

Nevertheless, I lack sleep. And you won't like it if you lack sleep. Especially me.

But this day turned out to be quite simple just like how it turned out to be a year ago.

The only difference was that last year was a Monday and today is a Tuesday. In the end, my heart still beats. :]

death by pharma.

2009-04-26T12:36:00.004+08:00

This morning, I woke up with a 38 degree fever. I felt light-headed and my whole body hurt.

And guess what, this morning, I dreamt about drugs (yup, pharma haunted me in my dreams).

Pharma is such a pain in the ass.

I'm better now. Although I still feel light-headed and my body still hurts.

My stupid dreams seem to be agitated these days. I had dreams of being killed or attacked.

RAR!

2009-04-16T20:55:00.001+08:00

What I like about the next day after the first day of classes is that I've already warmed up and mellowed down. I am halfway to accepting the reality of summer class. AAAAAAAAANNNNDDD, I get to see light shining down from the heavens and hitting my teachers.

They're being bearable now. RR (rochelle rule) was late this morning and I was 15 minutes early. Potek. Effort yun ha. I woke up extra early to go to school extra early and my teacher was EXTRA EXTRA late. Okay. Maybe that part wasn't bearable but I wasn't pissed about it. It's nice to wake up early---for a change.

I also got 3rd place in our quiz for Pharma. The magic of multiple choice. HAHAHA.
History is such a different story from yesterday. Although it's still SNORE time for me, Ma'am Philippines is starting to show her true colors. My friend who already had a subject under her last sem said she's really - peculiar - with her topics and sudden shifts and segways. I actually had a bit of fun during her class --- some parts because of her and most parts because Mitz and I had been complete looneys. DEATH BY HISTORY. yeah.

Nutrition was also fun. Did you know that although I am fat (according to certain people), I am actually within normal range and I have a medium frame. TAKE THAT!! Of course, let us disregard the fact that my ideal body weight is 50 kg. and I am 5 kilos above that. BWAHAHA. According to standards, I am NORMAL. Being slim is so overrated. =))

And Barry Bear has started to transform from wild beast to a possibly cuddly bear. Good news: he actually knows how to smile. And he has a disturbing pronunciation. But having stayed in GenSan for almost 5 years now, I've gotten over laughing at mispronunciations. We all have our Bisaya moments. Of course, he just became another person on my never-pronounces-Dideles-correctly-during-our-first-meeting list. Whatever.

I think I can bear 2 hours in MO 217, mondays to fridays with him now.

***
Public Announcement

My group is in need of patients with third-degree burns and dehydration for our case study in nutrition. The perks are... I don't know yet. But if you agree to participate, you get a free eating session especially made and planned by us for YOU.
Kuya, wag ka uminom ng tubig for 5 days at bibilhan kita nung prime mo na 200mm ba yun? HAHAHA. IN YOUR DREAMS! :]

stupid roadblocks.

2009-04-15T22:12:00.005+08:00

Summer class you officially SUCK. Loser subjects. Loser teachers. Loser requirements. LOSER!!! Exhibit A: Pharmacology 1 I hate going early to class. God wants us to be late for a reason. What if the school gets hit by a hi-jacked plane or taken hostage by rebels and you were stupid enough to go there early and be one of the casualties? HA? PANO KUNG MANGYARI YUN? What's worse is when you go to school early and you find out there's no teacher. or classes are cancelled. OH the horror. HAHA. (I'm being anti-climatic and insane) But oh no. Our CI wants us to be there early. Rochelle rule: you are late when you come after me. SUPER LOSER RULE because she's always early. UGH. The no-paper-no-quiz rule I can live with. BUT THIS??? UGH talaga. But who's complaining? hahaha. WHATEVER. Another Rochelle rule: all assignments handwritten. (because assignments are for advance readings). HELLO. The spelling clearly tells them apart. If assignments are advance readings then we shouldn't pass them to the teacher. Why not test us with a quiz or something? Why torment us by writing on stupid long bond papers of things we've only copied word by word from our textbooks? PARA SAN PA ANG TEXTBOOK NAMIN?? Course requriements: these I can also live with. A scrapbook is easy. Getting 100 pieces of drug literature would be fine. But perhaps I may be wrong. We'll see. : Exhibit B: History 1 One word: SNORE. because I already took up my years worth of Philippine History back in Elementary and First year high. LOSER. Exhibit C: Nutrition 1 I hate cocky teachers. And I think I just got one. Don't get me wrong. But the first meetings always give me impressions of how my teacher is going to be like. (I call them teachers eventhough I'm in college because I've met no one yet who will be worth calling PROFESSOR). This teacher of mine came in the classroom with raised eyebrows, a smirk on his face and wearing a debater's outfit (long sleeves, slacks, leather shoes) with his pink sleeves folded to 3/4. I hate it when they do that. MAJOR TEACHER TURN-OFF. I also hate it when they blackmail us with how low he gives outs grades and how much requirements he'll require and how many students they've failed and how we shouldn't take their subject for granted. LEARNING doesn't involve blackmailing or frightening. AND stimulating enthusiasm for a subject doesn't involve those either. WELL sir, you just lost interest points from me. RESPECT IS ALWAYS EARNED. But I'll give him a chance. It's only the first meeting. And you can't actually change teachers like that. You just have to pass the subject and be rid of them forever. CASE CLOSED. *** If you happen to find this post quite mean. Do not send me hate mail. A student is entitled to ranting. And I am not saying that my teachers are actual losers. It's just an expression. Besides, I don't think I've ever met anyone who is completely thrilled at the fact that he/she has summer class. I doubt my teachers do too. So leave me alone to rant about my loser summer classes. :]

***

And if you would like to help me with my requirements: I am in need of a minimum of 100 pieces of drug literature and 100 pieces of food wrappers/ labels with the nutrition facts.

My group will also need test subjects for our case study in Pharma and Nutri.

All who are interested to become test subjects are welcome to PM me. Pero kung regarding the food and drug lit yan, send nyo nalang sa bahay or sa tapat ng Rex Bookstore. Preferably yung food na hindi pa nabubuksan ha. Ako na bahala umubos. Pwede rin bigay niyo pera sakin pambili. WAHAHAHA....HAHAHAHA. XD

Look at me.

2009-04-14T14:08:00.003+08:00

I have nothing to blog about. Yet here I am, making an entry. Got myself enrolled yesterday. And got the sched I wanted. Well not really but it's close enough.

Summer class, here I come. :]

***
EDIT @ 10:44pm

My self-esteem just dropped a notch.

Ugh. I wanna travel. The Philippines. The world. I need to get rich now to pay for what I want. Diploma, here I come. :|

Holy Week.

2009-04-12T02:09:00.002+08:00

Can you believe it? I have just survived my self-inflicted punishment-slash-sacrifice-slash-deal of:

a. Not using the computer (except when Elle demands to watch youtube)
b. Not texting.
c. Being a FULL TIME yaya to Elle.

Oh yes. Believe it or not. I survived.

And although my blog started gathering cobwebs, my crew in Restaurant City died for 4 days (along with it was the tables and chairs), Shmoo became smellier in Pet Society and my Facebook, Friendster and Multiply accounts were dormant, I think it was uhm LIFE CHANGING (for the lack of better words).

***

Memory Lane 1: the world wide web.

I was formally introduced to the internet when I was 11 years old. We still had dial-up back then and prepaid connections. The only website I used to visit was harrypotter.com (or something like that). My internet consumption was less than 30 minutes and I NEVER spent the majority of my day in front of the PC.

Then came friendster. That was back in 2003. I was immediately introduced to Yahoo and Google. Then came Wiki and deviantart. Through the years, I also met Multiply and Xanga then Blogger and most recently, I became friends with Facebook and all the things affiliated to it.

I am now 17 years old. We have DSL now and WiFi. I check my Friendster, Facebook and Blogger accounts everyday. My internet consumption is 989123409123840 hours and I ALWAYS spend the majority of my day in front of the PC.

The magic of technology, right? But I'm not yet done.

Let us go to Memory Lane 2: the cellphone.

I was in 6th grade when my dad finally decided that I am too old to be lost in the mall and be paging my parents through customer service. Thus, he gave me a cellphone. A navy blue nokia 3310. I was on a postpaid Globe line so load wasn't a problem. My problem was consuming the load before the end of the month. To consume that load, I'd let my older sister use my phone for her late night texting or to my older brother "Romeo" to call his "Juliet".

Then came highschool. I met a lot of friends near and far. Na-uso din ang group messaging and passing quotes. Let's face it. I became a teenager and text messaging was became on of my major means of communication. I was upgraded to a nokia 3315, then a 3200, then a 2300, eventually, I inherited papa's 3650 and then shifter to the sony ericson world and when it broke down, reunited with nokia. I was loyal to Globe but there came a time that most of my friends were Smart users so I tried that for a while too. Then Sun came out and Papa gave me a postpaid sim and phone too.

I am now almost in my 3rd year of college. I have a fully-functional Globe and Sun Sim and I use and orange nokia phone (I don't know the model anymore). I am still on postpaid but my problem is how NOT to consume my load before the end of the month. I learned to 232 and UnliTxt and keep my phone away from temptation.

***

Weird noh. But I didn't abstain from these two for 5 days because I was beginning to get more and more attached to worldy goods. I'll be honest.

I wanted to get a good sched for the summer which is why I had a little bargaining with Bro up there. Plus, Elle needs special attention now since I'll be abandoning her most of the time starting next week when summer class officially starts.

So after 5 days of being partially disconnected to the outside world, I realized that it can also be nice being PRODUCTIVE with other things. I was actually able to finish a book and watch TV marathons. Plus, I slept earlier and I saved some load. HAHA.

But I won't be a liar just to say that I had learned a lesson from my story. I will still be wasting my time in front of the PC after this 5 day sacrifice. But of course, I will eventually learn to lessen.

And you know what, I grew up spiritually this week. What with all my mother's nagging and all. But part of the effort came from me too. I think it's time to rekindle a forgotten relationship with my favorite person of them all. :]

***

And the best thing about Holy Week was the 7th Heaven Marathon. WEEEE. :]

insomnia's a Biyotch.

2009-04-05T03:33:00.003+08:00

Seriously.

I'm supposed to get some rest because it's Elle's birthday tomorrow. And here I am, waiting for sandman to come pay a visit.

For the record, I haven't drank caffeine today. I am not on crack. I have no disorders whatsoever. But my eyes are still wide open.

I've tried listening to my sleep songs. They're already on loop. And they are NOT effective.

***

On a different note, facebook is addicting. Especially the playfish games. So you better add me up. XD

***

On a heavier note, I'd like to try my writing skills if they are still intact.

***

Alas! I have nothing to write about. Nor do I have anything to rant about because it's all still the same old shiznit. but since today is my newly-turned-2-years-old-niece's birthday, I'll talk about birthdays instead.

***

I don't get parties for babies. They have no benefit from it in my point of view because they probably won't even remember it when they get older. Unless of course we give them pictures to remember. Even then, the memories they get of these birthday parties are those supplied by the pictures and not of the actual birthday-party-experience-when-you-were-less-than-3-years-old experience.

When I turned a year old, my parents threw a huge birthday party for me at Phela Grande. I wore a white dress. There probably was a lot of food. and lechon. All of the guests came and had fun. Beats me. I was only 1.

I don't get debuts as well. Is it such a pre-requisite? A right of passage into womanhood? DO YOU HAVE TO CELEBRATE IT WHEN YOU TURN 18? What if you don't feel 18 when you are biologically 18? What if you're forever stuck at 8?

I'll be turning 18 in a few months. That stupid driver's license is haunting me as well as the registered voter thing.

But I'd like to learn how to drive. Sawang sawa na ako sa bump cars eh. XD

I like parties and all. Especially the themed kind. Yung with all the preparation and concepts. Appreciated talaga. But I don't want to celebrate a party. I want to organize it for someone else.

Anyway, super random na ng nilalagay ko. Nawala na yung writer attempt. So.

I'll be turning 18. Contemplating on cutting my hair shorter. I might be giving up on my dream of waist-length hair.

***
Sandman, please just come. :|

:]

2009-03-30T22:17:00.003+08:00

Now I agree.
There really is a rainbow after the effin' rain.

and yes, this blog gets to say what I don't have the guts to say. THANK YOU TECHNOLOGY. AND GOD. You are both so good to me. HAHA. :]

i am such a sissy.

2009-03-29T02:16:00.000+08:00

and still a kid. i don't think i deserve to turn 18 at all. :|

walang kamatayang swimming.

2009-03-27T23:46:00.002+08:00

TO SUM UP MY PAST FEW DAYS: SWIMMING.

I've suddenly turned into a lazy blogger. WTH. I swear. But there are more important things to think of - like SUMMER! For the first time in a long time, I feel positive about summer.

Sana lang all promises and deals are meant and done. AYOKO NA NUNG UMAASA SA WALANG KWENTANG BUHAY BAHAY. But God says I have to do my part too.

God be with me. I will step up. And I will be given strength and acceptance. WOOHOO. :]

i was thinking.

2009-03-18T23:20:00.004+08:00

perhaps it's time to take things seriously.
but I don't think serious is accepted in my dictionary.
WTH.
time is ticking.
I can't be like this forever.
kids grow up too.
they NEED to.

Teka nga.
rewind tayo.

"If you want to be treated like a real young adult, act like one and step up and SPEAK OUT for what YOU want." - Marius Dideles, April 2007

Ugh. Minsan ang hiya nakakainis na. Sinasapawan ang COMMON SENSE. Someone slap me silly until I gain an epiphany --- and courage. The Lord's intervention has done enough. I think I should do my part too. That was the deal. Diba Lord? Kaya kayo, ENJOY YOUR SUMMER NALANG! :]

Why, hello.

2009-03-17T21:49:00.002+08:00

I return with a myriad of stories to tell.

Wow. I miss writing in proper english. I've been so accustomed to Taglish and Engalog in my blog that I forgot that I CAN write in a formal manner. With that realization, I share my past weeks of during an impromptu blog leave. [again]

Mindanao Medical Center - Station 2.

It's actually a hotel if you ask me. Anyway, that was were I spent the half of my March 9 and the 3/4 of my March 10. After throwing myself into another snake pit, I come out bitten only twice by my CI. Figuratively speaking of course.

Let me state this in a Nurse's manner.

Outcome Evaluation
After 13 hours of hospital exposure, the Student Nurse was able to:

a. Build proper rapport with her patient.
b. Monitored v/s and I and O of her patient.
c. calibrated the IV bottle and checked the IVF infusion.
d. wrote approriate nurse's notes on a client's priority problem
e. documented pertinent date properly
f. endorsed all abnormal findings to the CI and staff nurse.
g. be exposed to a possible viral hepatitis case and lived to tell the tale.
h. gathered pertinent data for NCP and while doing the process, secured only two IRs. (congratulate me)
i. recieved alot of verbal blows from a fire-breathing CI
j. learned alot about normal values, protocol and drop rates and little things in between.
k. feel fulfilled after exposure.
l. accumulate callouses and corns, varicose veins and a complaining stomach.
m. SURVIVE.

SUMMARY: I ENJOYED. :]

The last few days of my 2008-2009 school year went uneventful. I was so busy with requirements. So busy that I was absent in my last RE3 session. (I'm so sorry sir Delfin.)

The happiest part is that SHE doesn't get to see me on a regular basis anymore. ALAM NI DEI2 sino ito. HAHA!

***

Ice Cream Buffet PART TWO
Last Sunday was another Ice cream day at Genees. For 100 pesos, you can eat all the ice cream and topping you want. OF course I paid and ate to my heart's delight. Kuya and Elle were with me and of course, my ice cream and rockband buddies (Carlo, Dei, Lance, Rommel and Payat.) Weak si RG, hindi pinayagan. I lost count kung gaano kadami nakain kong ice crea. Record breaking si Carlo with 20++ scoops. Naubos namin yung isang gallon ng vanilla ice cream. YEAH! hehe. Next month ulit.

And oh, Si Elle nanaman naging bida kasi literally, she performed slapstick comedy and ang kalandian niya. HAHAHA.

See you next month people! :]

***

Exam week ngayon and I'm almost done. Yesterday was NCM and departmental day. Mega SABAW. Pero awa ng Diyos, pasado pareho. I just wish my 2.00 remains a 2.00. WEEEEE.

HELLO SUMMER!!

back from AWOL

2009-03-06T21:52:00.002+08:00

It's either I'm busy or I'm lazy. Record na ata yung long leave ko from my blog ah. It's been a while and I missed blogging.

Biruin mo, NGT pa yung last entry ko. WEEEEEEEEELL, for everyone's information, I miscalculated my score. Minus 3 lahat. hahaha. Atleast diba, line of 5 na.

My catheterization RD went fine with Kuya Von. I had a bangag moment when he asked me for the rationale of securing the catheter to the lower abdomen for the male patient. Sinagot ko ba naman "kasi may scrotum and the penis is long." HELLO. To allow room for erection kaya. Major laugh-at-your-stupid-self moment talaga.

Hmm. ano pa ba ibabalita ko. Di ko na maalala yung ibang events.

So, let's go to my first hospital duty:

CI: Ma'am Esgana
AREA: GSCH-OB ward
SHIFT: Monday-Thursday 12:30-5:30

Day 1

Orientation. Tour. Took vital signs of my first three patients. Super ugok ng feeling ko kasi parang ang mahiyain ko para maging nurse. I felt so scared to approach my patients. Maybe they saw me to be funny because I was standing 2 feet away from them and it still takes me 5 minutes to approach their bedside. My first patient was a primipara patient who recently went through a vaginal birth. She actually smiled at me because I kept on laughing and making mistakes. hahaha. My second patient just underwent a complete abortion because the baby wasn't compatible with her uterus. I really appreciated her because she gave me moral support and advice on how to shake off my nerves. What's even more funny is she knew my dad. HAHA. Does everyone around here know my dad so much? She even told me to approach patient 3 because she was having a fever. Patient 3 was a CS patient. And she also knew my dad.

Day 2

Patient 1 and 2 were already discharged when our shift started. Their beds were occupied by patient 4 and 5. Well, patient 5 was in a different bed. DUH. Patient 4 had uterine myomata. She was a thin woman who was very corteous and cooperative. But I still felt shy approaching her although she smiles when she sees me. Patient 5 was intimidating but she was actually nice. She had a leaking bag of water and was just waiting to give birth.

Day 3

Same old. Same old. I was starting to feel useless since all three of my patients didn't need special care since one was recuperating well while the other two are just waiting for operation and are not showing any alarming symptoms. My sole job was to regulate IV and take vital signs while my other groupmates were busy giving spongebaths, terminating IV and other whatnots. Half of the time, my patients were either asleep or talking animatedly to their companions. Me? I observed the ward. Parang lifeguard. Naghihintay may malunod.

Day 4

Colorful day ever!! Got to terminate an IV line. Nevermind that it wasn't even my patient to begin with. HAHAHA. Assisted in removing a catheter and in inserting one. The inserting part was super fun. HANDS ON!! I did the perineal care. Super stupid nga kasi hindi ako naka-gloves since impromptu lang siya. Inabot lang sakin yung forcep na may cotton ball and Ma'am instructed me to do the downward stroke from the clitoris to the anus. OO, I touched a woman's vagina. OF COURSE I WASHED 3 times right after. Now I know how a urinary meatus looks like in real life!!! YEAAAAAH.

And oh, patient 5 gave birth earlier that day. So during my shift, she was so tired and febrile. I chose not to interview her much since she looks real tired and disoriented. I don't even think she knows that her baby boy has cleft lip and palate. I'll pray for her. :]

***

I had fun at our city hospital. Scarcity and all. We got to be hands on. Plus the CI factor was a blessing. HEHE. Sana maulit muli. Although I found it tiring to wash and iron my ward uniform after every use (which is everyday). And my feet hurt. Our stupid institutionalized shoes suck big time.

MMC and Ma'am Lodar, here I come. HAHA.

ang walang kamatayang CONFIDENCE.

2009-02-19T22:51:00.002+08:00

I had my RD for NGT insertion, feeding and removal.

And no matter how much I tried to avoid doing the procedure with Ma'am Lodar as my CI, God had a GREAT sense of humor. In the end, I still ended up performing it in front of Ma'am Lodar. OO. Mabait si Lord.

But you know what, it actually was a BLESSING. I actually learned alot and was enlightened with certain steps which were not clear. But you know what the icing on my cake was??

Ma'am Lodar actually gave me a score higher than 50! I swear. I have my checklist to prove it. HEHE.

Insertion: 54
Feeding: 57
Removal: 56

And oh, let us not forget the comment:

Confident! Just continue to polish some skills. Keep up the good work!

HAHA. I like Ma'am Lodar talaga. Kaya kayo, RD na!

another NANAY comment.

2009-02-16T23:53:00.002+08:00

at talagang magwawala na ako.

There are times na flattering siya. Meron ding insulto.

@ Mcdo with Elle and Payat

Ma'am Ruiz: Grace, anak mo?
Jog: WAAAAA. Hindi Ma'am. Pamangkin ko po.
Ma'am Ruiz: Shock din ako. Sabi ko, "Si Grace may anak na pala!". Pamangkin mo pala. Hehe.

This morning, nagkita kami ni Kuya Jom sa Jolikod with his classmates. Sama ko si Elle. Back in their school, this is what his classmates said:

Classmate1: Julsz, kita namin pamangkin ni Jom kanina ah.
Julsz: Oh. Tapos.
Classmate1: Cute.
Classmate2: Oo. Kasama pa nga yung ate eh.
Kuya Jom: Bunso namin yun. Di yun yung ate ko.
Classmate2: OH?! Ka-edad ko lang yun?!?

FOOKETH.

Happy birthday Dei2! You can be sent to jail now. Wait for me. Hehe.

I'm so tired. Elle's tantrums and ADHD is amplified 100x more now that baby Denise is home. So help me God and Notre Dame.

bittersweet.

2009-02-15T21:41:00.007+08:00

University Week 2009

I didn't enjoy it like I enjoyed intrams and last year's U-week. The miracle of life happened and duty calls. So yeah, this was my past week.

Feb. 9, 2009

First and last of my actual day of U-week experience. Went to school to help out at the PNSA booth. Skipped the parade. Watched the opening. Had a bit of fun. THE LAST OF IT.

Went home by 9 after watching the comical skit meeting.

Feb. 10, 2009
Happy birhtday Denise Naomi Isabel Dideles Sandifer

Yeah. Miracle of life. Absent from school. Didn't get to watch the delivery --- AGAIN. Had to take care of Elle while her mommy was sent to the hospital at 3am.

Meet Elle's sister. Another inaanak. WAAAAAAH. [The nose. The nose.]

She still looks like Elle don't you think? :]

Feb. 11, 2009

Yaya duties during the day. Hiyas Candidate supporter at night.

Congratulations to all 4 of them. All awardees. And I'm a lazy girl. Don't expect me to enumerate them all.

Shocking news is that RG was declared Hiyas ng Notre Dame 09. WOOOOOH. HAHAHA. Sad lang din kasi di napasok si Ye sa top 5. Wasn't happy with what came out of the girl's competition though.

Rockband after. HAHA.

Feb. 12,2009

Yaya duties at day. Swimmer after lunch. Yaya at night. Nothing fun. Except when Elle went swimming with me at Family COuntry Homes. hehe. :]

Feb. 13, 2009

SLACKER. REST DAY FROM YAYA DUTIES. WEE.

Feb. 14, 2009

BITTERSWEET valentines.

Watched comical skit. Disappointing ang Eagles. Then, Ice Cream Buffet at Genee's to aid depression on a valentines day. Had tons of fun with great SINGLE friends. Nagpaka-adik kami sa Ice cream. Pinicutran pa kami ng may-ari. Kala siguro nila first time namin mag-ice cream. THey even thought we were High School students. WTH.

Rockband after. Halos masuka sa dami ng ice cream na nakain. [take note, with unlimited toppings din.] Went back to school. Tambay. Dice game with Dei, Rommel, RG, Lance and Carlo. WEEEE.

What a night. Champion ang Eagles!!

we're gonna soar up high.

2009-02-07T22:51:00.002+08:00

I am obliged to do a detailed account of my Capping experience. And I will try my best to be as detailed and less lazy as possible.

February 5, 2009

Played hookie on STS to help in assembling the decoration at the auditorium. I know I know. It was an opportunity to NOT see Ma'am Hallaris so I immediately grabbed it. HEHE.

Had a post test for our Respiration topic with Sir Fads. Don't ask. I passed. period.

Helped with the Hiyas Environmental attires for Ye and Francis (our representatives). Helped with the decor again.

Practiced [for the last time] our capping by quarter to 6. After that, major puyat session na. Trabaho na just to prepare the auditorium for our capping the next day. Ate dinner a little before midnight. Trabaho. Trabaho. at bangag moments na din.

Went home by 2:05am kasi sinundo na ako nila kuya.

February 6,2009

Capping day! Woke up by 9am and went to school to help --- yet again. I ended up helping make the Hiyas outfits again. Left by 11:45 to get ready.

So our capping went as planned. I felt like crying during the mass. (Hayaan niyo ako magdrama) If I hadn't chosen to take up Nursing, I would be at UST during that moment probably making my way through a Pre-school Education course. I felt like crying because after going through the 2 years of this Nursing Education experience, I still have doubts in me. I am still filled with what-ifs and daydreams of how things could have been if I had not ditched UST. I also felt like crying because there is no more turning back. If nursing really IS for me, I WILL endure the next two years of hardcore training.

What made me want to cry even more is this realization --- Gusto ko pa pala tumuloy ng pagiging DOKTOR. Kahit gaano ko itanggi na ayoko sumunod sa yapak ng aking mga magulang, nararamdaman ko ang pag-udyok ng aking damdamdamin at hindi ito nagsisinungaling. Siguro nga ay itinidhana ng Diyos na ganito ang aking kapalaran. HINDI PALA AKO BAGAY MAGING ISANG GURO. TANGGAP KO NA na ang aking paraan ng pagtuturo ay wala sa isang silid-aralan.

I noticed my voice breaking during the singing. I looked to my right where my mom and dad were. They waved at me and urged me to smile. I did. Because finally, I knew what I wanted to do --- or at least a bit of it.

I want to be a nurse and something more.

During the singing of the batch song, some seriously cried. I almost did. But I figured that I'm only halfway through. So I laughed hard. Mama and Papa laughed too.

Ewan ko. Something happened to me that Capping day.. :P

Went home after the ceremony and picture taking. Got dressed and we ate at Roland's and drank Coffee at Fagioli after. Slept the whole night to regain the lost hours of sleep.

Basically that was it. :]

ehem

2009-02-06T12:03:00.004+08:00

Capping, Pinning and Candle Lighting na!
Congratulations Sauveur de Bien 2011
sabay-sabay na tayo mangolekta ng extension duty at IRs. :]

joggy-ling is falling down. falling down.

2009-02-02T20:17:00.003+08:00

After 2 incidental reports, one missed post-test and uncountable tardiness, I therefore conclude that I am in for a dive.

Yes, you read it right, I passed TWO incidental reports this morning. One is the batch IR which Ma'am Lodar imposed on the whole batch because of minor and major glitches during the dress rehearsal last Saturday. The other one was for not memorizing the effin' nurse's prayer.

Well, my rationale is simple. I did not memorize it because I wasn't enthusiastic and convinced enough. It's a memorized prayer. I have this THING for memorized prayers, they feel empty. But to conform to the mandatory practice of my course, I am willing to set aside my own belief on memorized prayers and memorize it --- one day before the capping. HAHAHA.

Anyway, the week has only started. Maybe my bad luck will end. :]

and oh, watch the HIYAS pageant!! Watch out for Marielle, Payat, RG and Shenna!!
GO Colleges of Engineering and Nursing.
hehe. :]

i'm "confident".

2009-01-30T19:41:00.003+08:00

WOOOH. Speeding up kami sa NCM these days. Almost 3 weeks rin kami hindi nag-8 hour class.

Yesterday, Sir Fads lectured and demonstrated the procedure on Respiration. We had our RD this afternoon. And it went like this:

Nebulization

CI: Sir Penaflorida
self-evaluation: VERY fine.
CI's remarks: none.
score: 59 :]

Oxygenation

CI: Sir Kranz Espartero
self-evaluation: quite fine. forgot some procedures. failed to answer some questions.
CI's remarks: GOOD SELF-CONFIDENCE but loses focus. hehe.
score: 57

Suctioning

CI: the greatest, Ma'am Lodar Escobillo
self-evaluation: I actually felt good about my performance. yun nga lang, failed to ensure some parts being the NOT perfectionist that I am. WTH. hehe. :]
CI's remarks: Very Confident and articulate. Needs to review some previous concepts.
score: 47. (wth, right?)

That's about it. Dali, Rockband TAYO!!!!

house parteeeeeeeeeeeeh.

2009-01-23T22:13:00.005+08:00

Today, I spent wisely.

No class kasi Marist Meet and our school is hosting the event. THANK GOD. I really enjoyed today eventhough I tagged along my niece at Carlo's house. It was unexpectedly fun --- in a way.

Elle played alot and did what most 2-year olds do, which is run around crazy and being all hyped up about almost anything. Played with the dog. Ran like crazy. Smiled. Watched youtube. Played with the dog.

Yes, she has a thing for dogs.

We made spaghetti and ate lunch by 3:00pm. Yes, we were THAT busy. Others were playing the game of life on Sarah's laptop while the boys played the same game on my laptop. I, Dei2, Carlo and Payat were basically busy juggling food preparation and taking care of Elle.

By 5:30, the Wow Magic Sing-ing began. And there was no stopping Gien and Sarah from taking over the microphone. What's amazing is that Elle fell asleep amidst the noise.

I love house parties. HEHE.

Let the pics do the talking. May swimming even pa ako bukas. And of course, I dive in with no practice at all. Wish NDDU luck. :]

health and illness.

2009-01-21T22:47:00.003+08:00

When someone my age gets sick, I rarely fret. I have this notion that since he/she is still young, the recovery will take place soon. Things like death doesn't occur to me. I am not that much of a pessimist to think worst case scenarios like that.

Dengue and Pneumonia are serious illnesses when not treated immediately. As far as I've experienced, they are not scary or deadly at all. But it still doesn't take away the reality that these conditions CAN and WILL kill you given the right circumstances.

You may be 17 or 18 or 19 and contract this disease. Your age doesn't give you an assurance that you will survive a mosquito bite or the wrath of a streptococcus pneumoniae infiltration in your system. Diseases do not care if you have a long life ahead of you. To them, you are just a host to their parasitism.

You see, my notion stands corrected. YOU CAN DIE AT AN EARLY AGE.

My batchmate died today. He succumbed to dengue and pneumonia. He had a life ahead of him. Of course it's not fair. He's 17 or 18 or 19.

Pray for him batchmates and to those who are reading this.

SUPER SABAW.

2009-01-18T00:18:00.003+08:00

BANGAG.

Adik na ako sa rockband. And my exams are not looking at the bright side. But guess what, I DON'T REALLY CARE.

January 15

Minor exams. 30++ minutes late for my Econ exam. Finished it though. HEHE. STS is not worth discussing about.

Played Game of Life at Dunkin. SUPER TALO SILA SA AKIN. hahaha. The weather was also very cold so I borrowed Payat's jacket. Tumambay at Kuya's crib with Dei, Carlo, Lance, Rommel, Payat and ELLE! Fun but tiring.

OF COURSE HINDI AKO NAG-ARAL FOR NCM AND RLE THE NEXT DAY.

January 16

Stayed at home during the morning to review. Amazingly, I managed to absorb pertinent information. Went to school extra early to gather even more last minute info about the major exams.

Took the exams. Didn't follow instructions for Ma'am Esgana's exam. Malamang, may minus ako. DUH. Finished in 2 hours [both NCM and RLE]. Waited for my Rockband buddies to finish and proceed to Chill and Surf to play. HEHE.

First hour, nilibre kami ni kuya Jom. The rest of the hours, si RG ang sumalo sa bill. Ay, yung one hour rin pala sagot ni Carlo. Roughly, we spent our end-of-exam hours at Chill and Surf to play ROCKBAAAAAAAAAAND. [Adik na kung adik, 4:30 to 8++ kami dun].

If you're wondering about my exam sa NCM, it was fine. I won't fuss. The CIs have done their job to scare us about our grades and I'm over the phase of believing every threat they say. I WILL PASS. END OF STORY. Tsaka hello. I think it's already a given that nursing life is HARD. Why bother descriving an already obvious thing.

ROCKBAND TAYO!!

January 17

Whole day practice sa capping. WTH. My already for repair voice is now beyond repair. I now have a deep loathing for the song Service of Hope. Christi servus it spe fortitudo!!!

And oh, we were reprimanded by ma'am Lodar (which isn't new). What's new is that pinalista ang mga President at Vice ng mga hindi kumakanta. SO, since I am SO RESPONSIBLE, I pretended to write. The truth is, I and Dei2 were passing notes. And napahamak pa ako ni Manit kasi akala niya may nalista ako na "not singing". Tomorrow, I have to pass a list of people who do not sing during practices. UGH.

Eto pa pala, sobrang ka-bangagan ko, sumayaw ako sa Audi. and some people got distracted. Cute naman yung Rockband dance namin eh. Distracting nga lang. Super boring kasi nun. So I and Carlo danced while "observing" who were not singing.

VERY responsible officers? Yeah.

I also went 3 times at Jollibee today. First, we had lunch there. Second, nilibre ako ni Payat ng Sundae after the free dinner at Antipolo BBQ by Marielle. Third was when nag-drive thru kami nila kuya after they fetched me at Chill and Surf.

Hulaan niyo ginawa ko sa Chill and Surf --- DUH. Rockband eh.

Patay ako nito next week. Finals na at bangag parin ako. Oh well. People change over time. I have a day to change. Hehe.

Practice pa bukas. Better load up on ideas of things to do. OH YEAH.

PASENSYA.

2009-01-14T21:39:00.002+08:00

Pero hindi ko talaga kayang hindi mag-post.

Eh pano. Wala akong gana mag-aral. As usual. This week is so financially straining for me. I've spent more than what I usually spend. My wallet has shifted from heavy to light weight. WTH. Kung anu-anong stress food kasi kinain ko. HAHAHA.

So, I was 10 minutes late for my RE exam. What's amazing is that I came in late and was still one of the firsts to finish. My classmates even thought I didn't come in to take the exam. Speed exams nanaman ang trip ko ngayon. My OB exam was pure blind shooting. Luckily, I got a passing score. Bilis noh? We got the results kanina lang [one day after].

Pedia exam kanina. I think I did fairly. Ewan ko bakit but I seem to be unjustifiably contented with mediocre grades these days. First was my 52% RD and now is my barely above 50% grades. Next thing I know, I'll settly for a 2.5 grade instead of aiming for a shiny 2.00 or 1.00.

Nothing's wrong with me. It's the way I am. It's the time of year that I momentarily lose interest in excelling. Although I know this completely contradicts my new year's resolution, I will still go through this phase. Next week is the official start of the finals for this sem so next week starts the authentic ass-kicking I was talking about a couple of days ago.

For now, LET ME BE. Matatauhan din ako pagdating ng grades ko.

And oh, kanina, I, Dei2 and Payat ate at McDo. At super naalala ko yung bagong ad nila. [mention ko nalang since almost all blogs I've read have mentioned something about the new ad.]

HAHA. ang bangag ko.